the future is something i struggle thinking about, talking about.. well it’s something i never expected myself to be in. i never thought i would still be here for this summer.. but i am. i can think of so many things i would love to do with my life. i have so many dreams and ‘plans’ that i never go with. i have so little self esteem and really low confidence so i’m finding it really hard to start my life back up again.

my dream since i was younger (but old enough to know about my grandmas anorexia) has been, and still is to be a psychiatric nurse. i just love helping people and and the job just sounds perfect, exactly the kind of thing i’ve always wanted to do. (other than injections and blood tests because i have a fear of needles.. but i can get through that!) 

i made a plan to get gcses then go college etc etc.. but of course i haven’t got any qualifications so when i came out of hospital i was trying to build myself a life worth living for, i went to my local college and had an interview to do an apprentice in health and social care. i would have to start on the lowest level as i have no qualifications so i would do the 2nd course in that, too.. which would bring me up to 3 years of the course. whilst doing the apprentice i would work in a care home, and have a normal job maybe in a shop or something? hopefully by the time college would be finished i would have passed with a good enough grade to do this mental health nursing course and from that i could start work. whilst training i would be working as a support worker or something like that..

i have it all planned but now.. i couldn’t find anywhere to work because i have no confidence and i was a mess. nobody wanted me working for them, especially with my record. i don’t blame them. the only job around that would except me is mc donalds. and i know beggers can’t be choosers but it’s too chaotic in there and i wouldn’t be able to cope with that everyday so that’s a no.

so i thought here i would write a list of things i want to do at some point in my life.. i may add or change this at any time..

♥grow my hair back to my belly button length
♥get a job
♥get a job/volunteer which includes helping people and the society

♥learn how to play guitar

♥learn how to play piano
♥start making youtube videos that are worth watching
♥go on holiday
♥win the lottery and use the money to save my nan
♥see abby more often
♥sky dive for charity
♥meet my sisters
♥work in b&q just for the apron with my name on it
♥reduce my deodorant habit (DONE)
♥go to more gigs
♥fit perfectly in a size 6
♥start swimming again
♥talk to people more (DONE)
♥make some friends

♥create a inspiration book

that’s it for now..cool byeee